Tuesday, May 08, 2007

AMERICAN IDOL this week


Those of us who lived through the 70’s are still apologizing for the music. Especially disco. Especially Bee Gees disco. But thanks to AMERICAN IDOL and “Sweatin’ with the Oldies” they remain with us… like migraines.

Barry Gibb sounded like Sean Connery with loose dentures.

When the only “groupie” they showed in the audience was Judge Judy you knew you were in for a creaky evening. Although Simon probably loved it. Finally! Some REAL music! What’s next week? Music of the Cowsills?

The four contestants had quite a challenge. It’s hard to be great when the songs aren’t.

Melinda slogged through “Love You Inside Out”. She could have used better lyrics and the Solid Gold Dancers.

And let’s just say it, okay? Blake Lewis is a one-trick pony. The beat boxing, the robot moves. It’s as if Pee Wee Herman decided to become a rock star.

After singing “Staying Alive”, LaKisha may not. As usual she ignored her mentor’s suggestions, although in this case she probably couldn’t understand him. “yousssssshh sssssssshhhould deffffffffinnnnllllleelllleeeeeeeee shhhhhinnnnggggg falssssshetttttttterrrrrrrr.”

Great to see Haley Scarnato in the audience. Oh, what she could have done with a hand held microphone and “How Deep Is Your Love” !

How come they kept cutting off Simon while letting Paula (who looked like a raccoon) utter random sounds in her eternal quest to formulate one cogent thought? But hang in there, Paula. You give a monkey a typewriter and eventually he’ll type a word.

Bee Gees songs the contestants could have used included: “New York Mining Disaster 1941”(a disco classic), “Jumbo” (I’ll refrain from the obvious), “Don’t Forget to Remember”, and their ode to rough sex, “Fanny Be Tender With My Love”. So many great hits and yet Blake chooses an obscure song.

When he sang “This is Where I Came In” was I the only one thinking, “No, this is where you go out”? On Thursday morning Blake fans may be wearing black argyle sweaters in mourning.

Jordin Sparks (the girl with the big voice and Teri Hatcher face) gave the best performance of the night with “To Love Somebody”. Unlike the three others, she didn’t fall into the disco trap. As for her second song, there’s a reason no one does cover versions of Barbra Streisand tunes. Just because she’s the size of Barbra doesn’t mean she can sing like her. No one can. Well, maybe Linda Eder.

Here in LA there was a huge brush fire roaring in Griffith Park, even threatening the famed Observatory. Every local station was cutting away for bulletins…EXCEPT Fox. God forbid we missed Ryan’s sparkling exchange with Judge Judy or didn’t get the latest poop on the song writing contest.

LaKisha hit a real clunker note at the end of “Run to Me”. She did not look happy. I just imagine her walking off the stage muttering, “Goddamn motherfuckin’ Bee Gees songs. How the fuck can anybody sing those Goddamn motherfuckin’ jive ass lily white bullshit vanilla Bee Gee songs?”

All in all it was a pretty lackluster show. Tomorrow we’re going to learn that LaKisha or Blake go home and Barry Gibb admits he put in his brother’s teeth by mistake.

29 comments :

Anonymous said...

My generation will have to apologize for pop-rap at some point in the future, so you're not alone.

? said...

“Goddamn motherfuckin’ Bee Gees songs. How the fuck can anybody sing those Goddamn motherfuckin’ jive ass lily white bullshit vanilla Bee Gee songs?”

Hilarious!

Rays profile said...

And why didn't anybody sing "Massachusetts?" It could have brought a TON of Boston-area votes!

By the way, I hear the guest artists for the final will be Milli Vanilli...

Anonymous said...

It's too bad they didn't do this week's song genre when they still had a dozen contestants... They could have covered the entire SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER soundtrack... I can imagine Sundance Head doing a spectacularly white version of "Disco Inferno," or Haley and Antonella strutting around the stage in synchronization to "A Fifth of Beethoven" by Walter Murphy and The Big Apple Band... They would've both nailed my vote right there without singing a note... And of course, Sanjaya shrieking out "Staying Alive" would have been a natural, since that's excactly what he did for about four weeks longer than he should have. His second choice could have been singing "If I can't Have You" directly to Ryan Seacrest...

The Minstrel Boy said...

jordin's wisdom was that the song she covered, was a cover by the beegees of gram parson's gem. (jordin's my homegirl, two towns over, and i've voted for her without ever watching the show so there)

Mary Stella said...

I've proclaimed last night's American Idol as The Show that Made Me Miss Sanjaya.

You thought Sean Connery, I thought Barry Gibb sounded like William F. Buckley.

Move over Po, Laa Laa, Tinky Winky and Dipsy -- there's a new Teletubby in town -- Blakey-Wakey. Cooler outfits, but that's how he sounded with that first number last night.

Thank God Melinda pulled out the stops on the second song. That goes down as the AI equivalent of a Hail Mary pass late in the game.

I think Lakisha goes home tonight, but at least she made the tour. Hopefully the stylists will get to control the costume choices when they go on the road.

Jordin provided the only "wow" factor of the night with her first performance. I've rooted for Melinda all season long, but I think Jordin's a lock now to win the entire thing. Not that she doesn't deserve it, but, selfishly, I'll lose the AI pool as a result.

Anonymous said...

Whose idea was it to make a bunch of solo singers cover songs that were only hits in the first place due to the novelty value of being sung by three guys in Chipmunk-style falsetto harmony? It's obvious that the "AI" producers just book whatever "name" they can get and stick the poor contestants with that person's material, regardless of whether it fits them or is any good ("The musical genius of J-Lo, ladies and germs!") Then the judges slam the contestants for "poor song choice." Talk about the pot calling the kettle a pot.

And BTW, are my wife (a professional singer herself, with perfect pitch) and I the only ones who notice that Jordin is consistently flat by about half a step on practically every high note she sings? The judges keep praising her perfect vocals; meanwhile, we're still trying to rub the pain out of our eardrums.

Anonymous said...

Hey Anonymous,

Remember when Ken attended the show and made mention to the fact that the sound sucks in the studio...

That should answer your question about people singing flat/sharp on the high notes...I've heard both at different times. Lakisha hit a beauty last night.

Mark Bennett

Anonymous said...

Like you all have said, a poor song catalogue will guarantee a shitty evening. The music of the Bee Gees?!! Please.

Remember the 60's night and the American standards night? Even Sanjaya sounded decent on those nights.

Anonymous said...

The show was so bad, I locked myself in the garage with my car motor running. 3 hours later I was still alive - Fucking Prius!

Anonymous said...

“Goddamn motherfuckin’ Bee Gees songs. How the fuck can anybody sing those Goddamn motherfuckin’ jive ass lily white bullshit vanilla Bee Gee songs?”

Apparantly she's never heard Nina Simone. She does a couple amazing Bee Gees covers (admitedly they are of the late 60s ballads which are decent enough songs not the disco dreck)

Of course I'd also say Nina Simone could sing the phone book and make it amazing.

The Curmudgeon said...

Mr. Levine -- you called "New York Mining Disaster 1941" a "disco classic" just to see if we were paying attention, right?

That's about as "disco" as anything Simon & Garfunkel. Only not nearly as good.

Anonymous said...

Now, Curmudgeon -- is Ken going to have to insert smilies for your benefit every time he's being ironic?

HouseFrau said...

Somebody needs to say it: Barry Gibb is a great songwriter and the Bee Gees have some great songs. Do not kid yourself--- the Bee Gees wrote "To Love Somebody," not Gram Parsons. And they wrote a lot of other excellent songs too ("Emotion," "Fanny Be Tender," etc.). If you don't like pop music, fine. (In that case, you probably shouldn't watch American Idol.) If you do like pop music, don't let the ridiculous hair and 30-year old disco backlash deafen you to the fact that they have some great songs.

http://housefrau.typepad.com/housefrau/american_idol/index.html

Mike Barer said...

The problem is that Bee Gees song are written for the 3 man group. They are a difficult task for a solo artist. If they were to pick an Andy Gibb song, it may have washed down better. I know Andy is dead, but hey, they brought back Elvis!

Anonymous said...

No Hausefrau, the Bee-Gees do not have "some great songs." One, maybe two that are okay at most. They are, and always have been, Godawful.

You ever hear the legend of the one Baby Boomer on earth who has still never seen "Saturday Night Fever"? The guy who, even 30 years ago, hated disco and the Bee-Gees so much that he refused to see it, and still hasn't?

That's me.

Anonymous said...

And Eric, yes, "Nina Simone could sing the phone book and make it amazing," but wouldn't you rather hear her sing a great song worthy of her voice? WHY would you want to hear her sing the phone book? Other than it being preferable to hearing her sing Bee-Gees songs, that is?

Wouldn't it also depend on who composed the music for the phone book? A George Gershwin phone book would be a lot better than a Barry Gibbs phone book. In fact, those great lyrics in the phone book deserve a much better composer than Barry Gibb. Leave the Bee-Gees to compose for the Congressional Record.

Anonymous said...

At the very least, in honor of the Griffin Park fire, Fox could have had one of the contestants sing Donna Summer's "Hot Stuff".

Anonymous said...

I'm partially with Hausefrau. Al Green does a mean "How Can You Mend This Broken Heart".

But even Streisand has no right to defend "Woman in Love".

Seacrest: "Fire? We don't need no fire! Jordin has a few Sparks of her own...after the break!"

Anonymous said...

I'm the same "Anonymous" who posted comment #7 above. Just wanted to add that I'm old enough to remember when all this Bee Gees stuff was originally infesting the airwaves (I graduated HS in '76 and even worked at a disco radio station in college - hey, I had to eat). I remember reading an interview with Barry Gibb at the time in which they asked him how long he could ride this sound (that's what the BG's had, a "sound," not songs, which is why everyone he produced, from Andy Gibb to Samantha Sang, sounded like the Bee Gees). He replied that there were something like 90 different ways to use falsetto, and he hadn't even scratched the surface yet. It was the most terrifying quote I'd ever read up to that point.

BTW, if you do own any old Bee Gees albums, I'd strongly suggest you scratch the surface.

Anonymous said...

I get really tired of hearing people say "we have to apologize for disco". Disco had some great music, just as good as any other genre. The clothes and even the hair styles, well, okay, apologies may be in order. But the music produced some excellent classics. Sure it had its share of lame-ass artists and plenty of talentless imitators ready to ride the gravy train, as every genre does. Still, I had a great time and love a lot of the music from the era. Barry Gibb is a great pop songwriter.

travy said...

Those of us who lived through the 70’s are still apologizing for the music. Especially disco...

there's plenty in disco to apologize for, but disco also produced some true beauty. idol shoulda done a real disco show picking stuff like, "touch and go", "the glow of love", "was that all it was", "baby i'm scared of you", "don't make me wait", and others. lots of disco gold to mine if people will just step away from the cliche...

Ken Houghton said...

My first AI since Fantasia's first show was the last half of this one.

If you're going to pick disco-era BeeGees (as opposed to songs from the first album, which produced the consensus highlight of the night and the song RoboPouf should have covered [NYMD 1941 - "In the event of something happening to me/There is something I would like you all to see"]), where was something such as "Edge of the Universe," which could be done sotto voce, or even "Nobody Gets Too Much Heaven" for the Eric-Clapton-sympathy-vote pitch? Or even "Islands in the Stream," where the, er, competition for audience memory had a three-note range, and two of those were Dolly's?

It made me miss the Sgt. Pepper movie soundtrack.

nita said...

Blake and Jordin's gonna be in the finals - IF he works really hard next week. And Jordin's gonna win it. Blake's gonna get a record deal anyways! Meh.

Mike Barer said...

According to an article in the Seattle Times this past week, Blake was known in the Seattle music circles before Am. Idol. Being the hometown boy, I root for Blake. My sentimental favorite is Jordin.

Imaginista said...

This is so funny it *almost* makes me want to watch Idol!

Anonymous said...

Anonymous #7, you are funny. "Scratch the surface."

And Ken Houghton, I confess to owning the DVD of the "Sgt. Pepper" movie. (ONLY because Barry Humphries is briefly in it!) It's the reverse of AI this week. On AI, you had a good singers trying to save terrible songs. In the "Sgt Pepper's Lonely Heart's Club Band" movie, you have these third-rate talents ruining a catalogue of GREAT songs. One of the most appalling movies ever made. Nothing coming out this summer can compare with it for sheer horror.

What could be worse? "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Heart's Club Band III", starring the survivors of the first film. (They skipped II, as it was so bad, they needed to go directly to III.)

Anonymous said...

Barry Gibb/Bee Gees is/are THE best singer, songwriters and performers of all time. They are right up there with Lennon and McCArtney.

Anonymous said...

When the contestants sang their Bee Gees covers, I kept asking myself,

Is it Over Yet?
Dr BLT (c) 2007
http://www.drblt.net/music/Over.mp3

I enjoyed Barry Gibb's solo on American Idol, but we all miss the days:

When the Bee Gees were 3
Dr BLT
words and music by Dr BLT (c) 2007
http://www.drblt.net/music/beegees.mp3